Am I a hypocrite?
The text of the sermon was Ephesians 4: 1-4 (and Philippians 2:3ff).
One Christian trait that was presented was “lowliness of mind” – not to think of ourselves as being higher than others.
I am guilty of that, I think. Many times, I think of myself as better than others. This is often revealed in my job as a programmer.
Code and bad words
When adding new features (and even when debugging), you have to read code that someone else wrote (sometimes, that “someone else” could be me, only that I forgot that it was me! )
“Why is this written like this?” (in my mind only)
“What!!” (verbally )
“WT*!” (also in my mind only of course )
Bad words, yes! I feel being a hypocrite when I do that.
Debugging – one of the most, if not the most, depressing parts of software development.
You read the bug report.
“That’s easy to fix!”. (Or so you thought!)
After 4 hours… depression kicks in. And during depressing times… you know what happens…
From where did I learn to use those words?
About three years ago, the book Clean Code was introduced to us by a workmate. (By that time, I had already heard about this book but I have not read it yet.)
It has this joke I cannot forget: “the only valid measurement of code quality: WTFs/minute”.
That was funny. But I never planned of using those words – “WTF”. It was against my conscience to use bad words.
But, alas, depressing moments come — the depressing moments never experienced before! Filthy words started to come out of my heart. Then from my heart to my mouth. — “I want to leave Christianity!”
(Wait! What?! You want to leave? I thought “you, wanting to leave” is the reason of the depressing moments, not the result! Oh well… maybe it is both.)
The joke became real.
But… then… I felt kind of vindicated when I found out that other Christians, like Micah Murray, also sometimes use those words!
I should stop already
But Ray Comfort is against the use of those words! And I also think that it is bad if I continue on using those words.
I should be changing already. I should stop being a hypocrite.
It took many years for the bad attitude to develop. Maybe it will also take many years to regain the good one.
May God give me grace